Upenn's got its winos,
Pitt has got its bums,
But C-MU's got Big Brad Walter,
He a tea tot'lin son-of-a-gun.
Yeah he nice and sweet as a man can be,
When he gettin' his a point across.
But when the frat presidents get together at night,
You know they all call Big Bard boss, just because...
You don't serve mixed drinks at your parties,
You don't let in people under 18,
You don't take the lid off the ol' Jack Daniels,
And you don't mess around with the Dean.
Well outa South campus came a fraternity,
They said, "we lookin' for a man named Brad.
Yeah we a shot drinkin' house the name is Zeta Beta Tau
On the quad they know we bad.
Oh we lookin' for the dean of Forbes Avenue,
He drivin'' drop-top, Cadillac.
Last week he took our charter
But he shoulda been smarter
'Cause we come to get our charter ba-a-ack."
And everybody say "He Zebes."...don't you know
You don't serve mixed drinks at your parties,
You don't let in people under 18,
You don't send drunk freshman to the old hospital,
And you don't mess around with the dean.
Well a hush fell over the court room,
Bard came boppin' in offa the street,
And when the cuttin' was done,
The only part that wasn't bloody
Was the soles of that fraternity's feet.
Yeah, their buggy was out of the races,
They couldn't do Greek Sing anymore,
And you better believe the Zebes sang a different story,
When Big Brad took the floor. And they say,
You don't serve mixed drinks at your parties,
You don't let in people under 18,
You don't send drunk freshman to the old hospital,
And you don't mess around with the dean.
You don't serve mixed drinks at your parties,
You don't let in people under 18,
You don't send drunk freshman to the old hospital,
And you don't mess around with the dean.